Come on you New South Welshmen (and Welshwomen, just to observe the ridiculous political correctness.) Come on, now, don’t just stand there. You’ve all been registered as bidders and you all have your cards. Lift up those cards and start bidding. If you take the bull by the horns and flash your bidding card, you are highly likely to pick up a real bargain, here today.
As you prepare yourselves to start bidding rationally, let me again remind you of what is on offer. Here, today, for auction, with no reserve price, yes, you heard correctly, ladies and gentlemen, with no reserve price, we have a complete State Parliamentary Labor Party. There is something in there for everyone. No matter what your taste, it can be satiated by this lot. Clever historians have already predicted that this particular group will go down in history and will be the subject of at least ten books and fifty doctoral theses. Children in the year 2100 AD will sit around in their hermetically sealed cocoons that they need for protection against the unbearable ultra-violet radiation and the extremes of weather that will be upon them as a result of dillbrains such as you see in this lot, and will laugh at the top of their poor little asthmatic lungs at the doings of the very same dillbrains and their ilk.
With this lot, ladies and gentlemen of this once proud-enough-to-limp-by State, you get lock, stock and barrel. On this lot of specimens whom I would call freaks except for the fact that my mother made me promise that I would never sling off at those less fortunate than myself, I believe that the RSPCA has agreed that no charges will be pressed if the buyer fails to give nourishment and sustenance to these creatures. In fact, the RSPCA, I believe, has offered the opinion that the sooner the poor creatures fade away to absolute zero, the better it will be for the remaining species of this State.
Look at them, now, you who will be bidders, and see what a potential bargain they could represent. Imagine the long queues, six abreast, stretching three times around the showground, waiting to catch a glimpse of these whatchamacallems for a sum certain in money. They would be treated to an hilarious fantasy of bullies picking on Superman would-be’s-if-they-could-be who would be correctly attired with their underpants on the outside, but would have forgotten to don the other garments under their underpants. Your showground business would run in admirable smoothness, with your accounts being overseen by absolutely unskilled but very conscientious financial know-alls. Although the freaks may well be starving, they would have their very own built-in health guru who knows nothing about health but is expert in making inane statements. The head representative of this lot would keep the others in line for you by the judicious use of his cricket bat that he took home with him when the others refused to play cricket according to the rules if vigaro. Never a day would go by, ladies and gentlemen, when you were not treated to some new, unique form of odd behaviour from these poor souls.
Come on, now bidders, hold your bidder identification cards proudly up high and start calling your bids.
Ah, thank you, ladies and gentlemen, I have an opening bid. What was your bid, madam? No, I’m sorry, madam, sixpence is not an acceptable bid. Those little silver things went out at the time when some of our creatures in the lot were just failing kindergarten. Ladies and gentlemen, if you please, kindly bid in decimal currency.
Is that a bid there, sir? Yes, we are off and rolling. The bidding has been opened at ten cents. I have ten cents. I have ten cents. Yes, I have ten cents. Who’ll offer a bit of sensibility and start the real bidding rolling? Yes, the bidding is now with you, sir, in the Paisley shirt at the back. Twenty cents, I have twenty cents, let me hear those raises on twenty cents. Twenty cents I have from Paisley shirt. Yes, twenty cents I have. Come on bidders, let me hear you. Twenty cents I have. From here on, I will accept increases of one cent. Twenty cents I have. Who will make it twenty-one cents? Twenty cents I have. Twenty cents I have. Are there any increases on twenty cents? Do I hear twenty-one cents? At twenty cents, is there any further bid? At twenty cents once. Come on, ladies and gentlemen, I have twenty cents once. Twenty cents twice! This is the bargain of a lifetime, bidders, the bargain of a lifetime. I have twenty cents twice. Twenty cents twice! Twenty cents three times, sold! Sold to the Paisley shirt at the rear for twenty cents. Come forward, please sir, and complete the paperwork. You will, of course, under the conditions of sale, have to remove this riff-raff lot from here before sundown.
Some people will buy anything at auction!
Crankyfella
As you prepare yourselves to start bidding rationally, let me again remind you of what is on offer. Here, today, for auction, with no reserve price, yes, you heard correctly, ladies and gentlemen, with no reserve price, we have a complete State Parliamentary Labor Party. There is something in there for everyone. No matter what your taste, it can be satiated by this lot. Clever historians have already predicted that this particular group will go down in history and will be the subject of at least ten books and fifty doctoral theses. Children in the year 2100 AD will sit around in their hermetically sealed cocoons that they need for protection against the unbearable ultra-violet radiation and the extremes of weather that will be upon them as a result of dillbrains such as you see in this lot, and will laugh at the top of their poor little asthmatic lungs at the doings of the very same dillbrains and their ilk.
With this lot, ladies and gentlemen of this once proud-enough-to-limp-by State, you get lock, stock and barrel. On this lot of specimens whom I would call freaks except for the fact that my mother made me promise that I would never sling off at those less fortunate than myself, I believe that the RSPCA has agreed that no charges will be pressed if the buyer fails to give nourishment and sustenance to these creatures. In fact, the RSPCA, I believe, has offered the opinion that the sooner the poor creatures fade away to absolute zero, the better it will be for the remaining species of this State.
Look at them, now, you who will be bidders, and see what a potential bargain they could represent. Imagine the long queues, six abreast, stretching three times around the showground, waiting to catch a glimpse of these whatchamacallems for a sum certain in money. They would be treated to an hilarious fantasy of bullies picking on Superman would-be’s-if-they-could-be who would be correctly attired with their underpants on the outside, but would have forgotten to don the other garments under their underpants. Your showground business would run in admirable smoothness, with your accounts being overseen by absolutely unskilled but very conscientious financial know-alls. Although the freaks may well be starving, they would have their very own built-in health guru who knows nothing about health but is expert in making inane statements. The head representative of this lot would keep the others in line for you by the judicious use of his cricket bat that he took home with him when the others refused to play cricket according to the rules if vigaro. Never a day would go by, ladies and gentlemen, when you were not treated to some new, unique form of odd behaviour from these poor souls.
Come on, now bidders, hold your bidder identification cards proudly up high and start calling your bids.
Ah, thank you, ladies and gentlemen, I have an opening bid. What was your bid, madam? No, I’m sorry, madam, sixpence is not an acceptable bid. Those little silver things went out at the time when some of our creatures in the lot were just failing kindergarten. Ladies and gentlemen, if you please, kindly bid in decimal currency.
Is that a bid there, sir? Yes, we are off and rolling. The bidding has been opened at ten cents. I have ten cents. I have ten cents. Yes, I have ten cents. Who’ll offer a bit of sensibility and start the real bidding rolling? Yes, the bidding is now with you, sir, in the Paisley shirt at the back. Twenty cents, I have twenty cents, let me hear those raises on twenty cents. Twenty cents I have from Paisley shirt. Yes, twenty cents I have. Come on bidders, let me hear you. Twenty cents I have. From here on, I will accept increases of one cent. Twenty cents I have. Who will make it twenty-one cents? Twenty cents I have. Twenty cents I have. Are there any increases on twenty cents? Do I hear twenty-one cents? At twenty cents, is there any further bid? At twenty cents once. Come on, ladies and gentlemen, I have twenty cents once. Twenty cents twice! This is the bargain of a lifetime, bidders, the bargain of a lifetime. I have twenty cents twice. Twenty cents twice! Twenty cents three times, sold! Sold to the Paisley shirt at the rear for twenty cents. Come forward, please sir, and complete the paperwork. You will, of course, under the conditions of sale, have to remove this riff-raff lot from here before sundown.
Some people will buy anything at auction!
Crankyfella
1 comment:
No sensible person would buy the Humbugs of Macquarie Street. The only thing to fit that lot, would be a D9 Caterpillar Bulldozer.
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